Life, What Exactly Are You?

Yesterday I sat on my porch and watched the sun as it descended towards its resting place. As it sunk behind silhouettes of rigid trees stencilled against the horizon, I could see the golden glimmer that spread over shrubs and grasses vanishing. Tall shadows faded out. Birds chirped and hurried to the safety of their nests.  Another day had just ended. But here I sat, squatting on a loose brick, chin cradled on palm and eyes pinned on the muddy red horizon – terrible effects of a bad watercolour painter.  

 Old school classic reggae music poured off the windows of my house. The poof-poof of the bass, the off-beat and chopping rhythm, and the deep Burning Spear baritone sunk into my deepest core. The music, especially its lyrics, sparked up vivid images that brought tears to my eyes. “When I travel my journey, yes, I will always remember him.” The music was supposed to soothe me, but instead, it did the opposite.      

I could feel a faint, almost hesitant throbbing somewhere inside my skull. The little headache didn’t seem to be sure it wanted to be there, yet its presence and the discomfort it stirred couldn’t be ignored. But the mild headache wasn’t much of a concern at this point in time. My mind was in a race. Questions shot up like fatal spears but I had no answers. I had no shield against the spears. As tree leafs swayed slightly from the soft breeze, I found myself wondering what these features of existence; trees, stones, birds, animals, air, water, think about life. And death. I know what I think about life.  Life is a wonderful phenomenon, with all its ups and downs. But death, death sucks. They say you live once. True. And you also die once. But the beauty about life is that you experience it, you can write about it, talk about it. Death sucks because unlike life, once you experience it, you can’t talk or write about it. 

In the many years that I lived, I still can’t get used to the idea of death. Death just isn’t fair, especially when the deceased was still so full of life and pregnant with huge ideas that were not only meant to benefit him but his entire community. The passing away of my close friend Rotlhe yesterday left me shattered in a way I cannot explain. News reached me in the morning of yesterday that he perished in a car crush. It wasn’t a long time ago when another friend’s five year daughter lost her life in another car crush. This makes me question our destiny.   

This man Rotlhe was a highly progressive individual. I remember the times I spent with him. In these times we fed from each other as we shared dreams and ideas. We ate from the same plate and drank from the same cup, no matter how little the plate or cup contained. We’d discuss very many issues whilst listening to the sounds of reggae music. As I type this, the music of Burning Spear is spilling off my speakers and in my minds’ eyes; I can see my friend’s head nodding along to the music, his charming smile sprouting on his face.

Now he’s gone, his life abruptly ended. Although it’s still a hard pill for me to swallow right now, I guess each and every single one of us has their own way of departure from this world. And their own time. I pray for my friend, who had in fact grown to be a brother to me, to continue with his beautiful life out there. And I’m sure he will.